At some point or another, whether you want it or not, you’re going to have to live with other people besides mom and paps. It could be college, it could be when you get married and move into your own house. Who knows, and who frankly cares. You’re not always going to get along with these people, no matter how much they’re your friends or you care about them. You’re going to get frustrated, and believe me, I’m fed up with them. 

Let me explain.

For a good majority of the time I’ve been here at school, at least once a day my roommate who lives in my room, or the others that live in our dorm, have done something to piss me off. If you can’t tell by now, I get very annoyed and frustrated by a lot of things, but very rarely have I ever retaliated or done something back I knew would frustrate them. So why, oh why, does my roommate find it HILARIOUS to step on me when he wakes up in the morning? My earliest class starts at 10, not 7, so I do not find it funny in the slightest.

Now, thats not it.

It could never just be one little annoyance.

When I come back from class, and I’m getting ready for bed, I take off the shorts I’ve worn that day, put on basketball shorts, and then put the other shorts on my backpack next to my desk. Now, this is my personal space, right? I’m barely allowed to go to your side of the room, so at least the desk and the space around it is my space, right? Am i wrong in assuming so? THEN WHY DO YOU HAVE TO WALK ALL OVER MY SHORTS/ ANY CLOTHES THAT ARE BY MY DESK? If it’s in your way, then tell me, or ask me to move it. Don’t fucking walk all over it!


Here we go again. 

I understand that my trash can is the one closest to the door, but that does NOT mean you can throw all of your garbage in my bin. You have your own trash can that’s completely empty, because god forbid we ever throw anything in it. 

And the other roommates in our dorm do the same damn thing. 

Not only do they come in and just throw their shit in my trash can, they also come in to talk.

Nothing wrong with just talking. I’m not the most social person, but you can come and talk to means my roommate any time. 

Unless it’s 2 in the morning AND I’M TRYING TO FUCKING SLEEP. 

If I’m in bed, don’t come in to talk and throw your shit in my trash can. I don’t care what time your class is, I’m trying to sleep, and you’re just being a dick.

On the topic of trash and garbage, let’s talk about health and safety inspections.

You know we have an inspection, there are signs posted every where. So don’t wait until me and my other roommate have been in class all day, to leave and stick me and him with cleaning the entire dorm. I don’t mind taking out the garbage, or doing dishes, or vacuuming, but this wasn’t that simple. The garbage looked a mountain, things were spilling over the sides, my high roommate had spilled a whole pack of crushed ramen on the floor, and had also dumped an entire bowl of it in the sink. Both sinks were full of dishes, so full in fact that there were dishes on the counter next to it stacked up. The carpets hadn’t been vacuumed since before we moved in, the counters were sticky because no one but me and this other roommate clean up after ourselves, and thats just the living room/kitchen area. 

So, me and him set off.

He did the dishes, I vacuumed, pull all the garbage in bags, and washed the counters. We scrubbed the walls, and washed the bathrooms, and even took out everyone else’s garbage.

And our roommates still had the audacity to come back and ask us when we were going to be done.

“This place is too crowded. There are too many garbage bags by the door, it was hard to get in.”

On and on they went with this bitching and moaning, and me and my other roommate just stood there. in the middle of cleaning, and just watched them. 

We were baffled. 

So, we took off our gloves, washed our hands, put on our shoes, and left. Didn’t say a word to them. We both came back, 2 hours later, and everything was picked up.

Almost like magic, except the only magic our roommates can do is magically piss me off all the time.

Our room also gets into a lot of trouble. 

Because they’re disrespectful and don’t give a shit about anyone but themselves.

I should’ve gotten an email, detailing what it would be like to live with them. The school should have told me that we were going to get the cops coming to our dorm and that we could get in trouble because your roommate plays his music through a bass amp.

Oh wait, they did tell us. They told everyone. It’s called the student handbook.

I don’t mind the music, just maybe not so loud and at 4 in the morning.

Maybe, maybe not.

What I don’t like, however, is coming back from being home on the weekend to find out that your roommate got high and locked himself out of his room, so he had to get someone to unlock his door. Which they did, but they smelled weed in his room, because we all know that smoking in your dorm room is the safest place. Except when you close your door and your window and also WHEN YOU SMOKE IN YOUR DORM.

Not only did they smell it in his room, they also smelled in in everyones rooms, because, you know, we all live together.

So yea, coming home to find out your room got searched is a little violating.

So here some roommate etiquette for you:

1) Don’t be an asshole to the people you live with. You have to deal with them every day, so be careful.

2) Be courteous. Don’t wait until your roommate is in bed to start playing music through a bass amp at full volume.

3) If you are going to use your roommates things, ask, and make sure you clean them when you’re finished. I want to be able to use my dishes whenever I want. I don’t want to have to wash my own dishes if I didn’t use them.

4) If you aren’t on the first floor, DON’T WALK AROUND AS LOUDLY AS POSSIBLE. I don’t live in a zoo, I shouldn’t have elephants walking around up stairs. And I definitely don’t want to be able to hear whatever it is you’re doing, ok?

5) This is mainly for the guys. I’m not going to go into detail or explain it, but make sure everything makes it into the toilet. And I mean EVERYTHING.

6) If you have visitors, make sure they aren’t more annoying then you, because I will personally make sure they never come back.

7) Make sure your roommate agrees on the signal to either leave the room, or do not enter, because man, that was awkward.

8) Share. God, I feel like I’m kindergarten saying this. Don’t be a dick, let me use your stapler.

And finally, 9) Clean up. This is a given. Make sure you are fucking clean. That doesn’t just mean your room, it also means you. Shower after you come back from a sport, or whatever. I don’t want to have to smell you when I’m trying to sleep. It does also mean doing your own dishes, and your own laundry, and not leaving shit all over the floor, and taking out your own trash, and all of that. Just make sure you’re fucking clean, and i’ll keep up my end.

See? Being a roommate isn’t so hard. Just don’t be a dick. And if you are a dick, then request to live by yourself because no one wants to deal with your shit, and you’re only responsible for yourself.

God I’m an angry person.



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